Whenever I drive south on M-66 Highway toward Lake Odessa, I am struck by the image of these two trees. My mind has trouble processing the gap, even though I drive by it often. I always ponder, “Why on earth would two trees grow with such a huge vertical split between them?”
The obvious answer is that the trees did not naturally develop such a proportional split. Rather, the divide was carefully manicured and maintained over time to protect the power poles that are surrounded by the trees’ growing branches.
However, if the viewpoint is changed slightly, a different image appears. When the photo is taken from this angle, you might assume that there is one healthy developing tree, caught in the blushing tones of the emerging fall season.
From this perspective, the branches seem well-developed and are reaching toward the sun. The tree’s height suggests that its roots are also stable and have supported the tree over many seasons of growth. But appearances can be deceiving!
These two trees always make me think of partners in a relationship. (Well, you knew there was an object lesson coming, right?!) From outside appearances, a romantic relationship may appear to be thriving. In public, the couple may present a united front, and their home, lawn, and children may seem to be carefully tended to. Some couples — and families — come across to others as if they “have it all.”
The truth is that behind closed doors, individuals may be lacking the care, nurture, and respect from their partners that would allow them to flourish. Unresolved hurts and unspoken bitterness can cause a growing divide, and over time, two partners in a relationship may drift apart, not realizing the damage until it is too late. Eventually, through the pruning process of neglect and damage, there may not be any remaining branches that link the two people, emotionally, spiritually, or physically.
As we transition into fall, it is a good time to pause to reflect.
What seasons are you experiencing in your personal relationships?
Is your romantic life budding with promise? Perhaps pre-marital counseling or couple’s therapy would help you in the early stages of a relationship. It is wise to develop skills that will allow the buds of friendship and love to bloom and produce healthy fruits in the years ahead. The “branches” of good communication and empathy enable your partnership to flourish and help you weather the inevitable storms of life that will arise.
Perhaps your marriage is starting to resemble our current fall season, with a growing chill in the air and a developing darkness in the tone of your relationship. Attending counseling sessions during this season of life may help you to nurture a deeper emotional connection, regrow damaged roots, and restore sunnier and more positive communication. As you build the healthy “roots” of interpersonal relationship skills, you will be better able to help support and ground one another. In time, you can grow greater resilience and improved stress tolerance to meet the new challenges you will face. Together, you can more easily overcome obstacles head-on by working as a team or family unit.
Sadly, you may find a relationship with a sibling, a parent, or a significant other in the frigid depths of winter. The chilling effects of negative words, judgment, and criticism leave a person like a bare tree, with no covering to protect it from the harsh winter elements. Even when it feels like the relationship is stuck in a long winter, there may still be hope for the renewal of spring. With just a few sessions—whether through marriage counseling or creative couple’s work—you might be surprised at how warmth and connection can begin to blossom again between partners who have grown apart.
If a friend, sister, or significant other will not join you in attending counseling sessions, there is always the opportunity for you to see a therapist as an individual. Doing so can help deepen your own roots and develop strong limbs by creating healthier boundaries. If you are stuck in a cycle of codependency, working with a therapist can help give you a more balanced perspective when seen from an outside viewpoint.
We offer help and hope for relationships, regardless of your stage in life, and believe that with a little hard work, you can harvest a bounty of good fruits this fall!
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” – Holy Bible, NASB, Gal. 5:22-23
To schedule an appointment with Brenda or one of our other therapists, please call 269-205-2402 or send us a message.
Brenda Gonyou, MA, LLPC
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